Waiting for Aiden

One year ago today, I was going between rooms 1, 2 and 3 on the maternity floor of the Park City Medical Center to meet three new little people, Dominic, Zuzu and Patton.  Today, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my own little treasure, Aiden Elijah.  He is due on Monday, March 12 and at 1 cm dilated, Aiden is "locked and loaded." However, he doesn't seem very anxious to leave his happy home (I made a pretty good one for him.)  

Throughout this pregnancy, I have harbored deep fears that Aiden's birth would be a repeat of Liam's birth experience...long and very difficult.  My midwife, Danielle Demeter, has promised me that not only would it be at most half the amount of time (13 hours?), it would be easier.  Still, I've struggled with the idea that my body could do anything differently than it did before.  Why was I only dilated to 3 cm after nearly 22 hours of labor?  I reject the HypnoBirthing hypothesis that fear prevented progress.  I was fearless and confident going into Liam's birth...some might even say brainwashed.  But things didn't happen.  For this reason, what should have been nine months of excitement and anticipation has instead been filled with dread and fear.  Until about a week ago...

A friend of mine, Emma (Zuzu's mom), was kind enough to let me borrow her HypnoBirthing book.  Granola?  Yes.  Helpful?  Also yes.  I told her that I didn't think I would be able to connect with rainbow visualization and baby animal imagery.  But HypnoBirthing espouses that if women are able to completely relax (the way that our animal sisters do in nature), that a truly pain-free, gentle, natural childbirth is possible.  While I am highly skeptical that birth will ever really be "pain-free" for me, I can get behind the idea of gently nudging Aiden into the world instead of taking forceful, aggressive measures to "push" him into it.  This may be able to happen if a) I have a strong support system (Wes/Danielle) willing to ensure a tranquil, peaceful environment, b) we avoid any drugs or measures meant to "speed things along" and c) I can go so deeply into a state of relaxation and focus to let my body and baby do what they need to do.  

St. Mark's Hospital was not the ideal environment for all of this to happen with Liam.  Although my Bradley Method techniques served me well for a good 22/26 hours of labor (during which I could have delivered three babies naturally if I had been dilating), once Pitocin started, my hopes of anything natural and gentle disappeared.  Further, when Wes tried to sneak me a Jolly Rancher after not having eaten in two days, the nurses threatened to confiscate any food we had in our possession.  Does that sound natural and gentle?  It's like denying a marathon athlete water during the race!  PCMC will let me eat light snacks for the energy I'll need to do the job and Danielle is on board with every gentle technique I have discussed with her.  When asked how many HypnoBirthing moms have the outcomes they had hoped for, she gave me an estimate of 90%.  I'd say that's a pretty good endorsement.  

I want desperately for this to be a positive experience.  I want to feel safe and in control.  And here's the key: if feeling safe and in control means getting an epidural, so be it.  I'm not here to prove anything to anyone (even to myself). My mission is to bring Aiden here safely in a way that makes me want to have more babies one day.   

These photos were taken 19 weeks in on October 19, 2011 at St. Mark's Hospital where we confirmed that Aiden was a "he."  Wes was working in California at the time, so he joined via iPhone.  I had known since about week 8 that I was carrying another baby boy.  Naming him came somewhat naturally as we were hoping to stick with the Gaelic theme and this boy has been a bit...enthusiastic?  Aiden translates to "little fire" and seemed like the perfect fit.  I just hope the description doesn't translate to insane toddler/teenage years...

We've included Liam in preparations for his little brother since early second trimester, and he seems noticeably excited about what is to come.  Liam is such a special, gentle soul that I can just imagine how he will welcome Aiden into his life.  He needs a buddy.

My Mamma got me this beautiful two-sided necklace so that I can keep both of my boys close to my heart.  I treasure it.  

The day I found out I was pregnant with Aiden, July 3, I went to the outlets and tried on a bunch of clothes that I knew I would not fit in in several weeks...so I didn't buy anything.  It was kind of a "goodbye, body" homage.  Although, looking back, I probably should've picked up this $13 dress thing from the Banana Republic Outlet...cute, right?  Pregnancy doesn't last forever, but it sure has felt like it this time around.  Nausea, vomiting, acid reflux, leg cramps, carpal tunnel, hemorrhoids (yeah, you heard me), weight gain, exhaustion, backaches, acne, paralyzing pelvic girdle pain...Pregnancy is not for sissies, people.  They told me subsequent pregnancies are often harder than the first.  Now I believe them.  STILL, totally worth it in the end.  I'd gain 54 pounds every time if it means I get perfect children like sweet Liam.  

4 weeks...

22 weeks...

29 weeks...

36 weeks...

39.5 weeks...almost there...  

It's time to come and play, Aiden!  We've been waiting for so long for you to join our family of three!  We already love you more than the moon and the stars...